Dear Sir of Madam,
I would like to apply for the position of design assistant intern in your firm.
At present, I am an exchange student in National University of Singapore and I have been studying architecture for 4 years in University of Seoul, Korea. I am a punctual, focused and enthusiastic person. I have an extensive knowledge of various computer programs.
I think I would be a suitable candidate for the position, because I have experienced in working at architecture firms in Korea and abroad as well. Also, I took part in several competitions and won awards which include 2008 Wood Structure Competition 3rd runner-up and 2009 Seoul Public Facility Design 3rd runner-up(bus shelter and public bathroom).
I would welcome an opportunity to discuss my qualifications with you and how I could be of service to the company. I can be reached at the number and e-mail address indicated below.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.
Yours Faithfully,
Bae Sanghyun
mobile phone : 84070388
e-mail : tiny_dolphin@naver.com
Final Reflection
14 years ago
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey Sanghyun,
ReplyDeleteIn terms of english:
extensive knowledge of >>> extensive knowledge in
candidate for the position, because I have experienced >>> candidate for the position because I have experience
In terms of the content:
- You could show how punctual, focused and enthusiastic you are by linking it to your past experience and the competition you took part in.
- Another suggestion would be that maybe you could elaborate on what you learnt from those experiences rather than stating them as facts.
- Also, you could include more action verbs.
In terms of format:
I am not too sure about this, but maybe you could include the date and recipient's address at the top of the letter.
Just my suggestion.
- Keerthani
Hey!
ReplyDeleteI just saw your resume and you have a an envialble amount of work experince, were involved in quite a number of projects and are skilled at a number of software. You should be touching on all of this in your cover letter. GOT IT FLAUNT IT! =)
Firstly, your here on exchange right? This makes you uniquely different from many of the other applicants. Use this to your advantage. Tell them that you will be able to bring a unique perspective / style to your work.
Also, the structure of the first para is a little.. off. You first start by explaining you education, then a sentence of your personality adn then you jump into you technical skills. This to me seems a little incoherent.
What I would suggest is split the paras. Have a purpose for each para:
Para 1:
Education, Software skills. Since you know to use SO many softwares, just name drop.
Para 2:
Bring in your job experience. You may want to briefly mention the technical and transferable skills that you obtained. Especially the ones relevant to the internship you are applying for.
Para 3:
Projects you were part of and the experiences you gained form it. Did you work in a team? Did you lead anything? You could bring in your personality and character here. For instance, the Military Service CCA work you did taught you the importance of puntuallity and discipline. This way you are mentioning CCA and your character too.
You also can mention about the Awards/ Prizes you won here. But maybe elaborate a little. For instance the Wood Structure Competition maybe a HUGE competition in Korea, but the Singaporean firms may not be aware of it right? So you may want to mention the number of people you participated and stuff like that.
There has to be another para on WHY you want the intership. But I am honestly not sure whether THIS should come in.
All in all I thin you have the skeleton right. But you can add in more content as your cover letter is not yet long. Shamelessly sell youself. ;p
Hope it helps. Imho:)
Hi Sanghyun
ReplyDeleteI just looked through your resume. It is fantastic! You have so many working experiences and you have participated in various competitions. I think you can include that in your cover letter as well, because this cover letter doesn't seem that appealing to me compared with your resume.
I have the following suggestions:
Firstly, you should state one point in each paragraph. For example, as Lalitha has suggested, the first paragraph could be your education and second could be about your working experience and so on. When you do in this manner, it becomes more clear and people can gather relevant information within one paragraph. That is nice and sweet.
Secondly, you can be more specific and give examples to support your points. For example, when you talk about your awesome computer skills, you can list out all the skills you have so that it is clear to the reader that you are good at which computer skills.
Last but not least, the format of the letter is not that accurate I suppose. Based on the example in the IVLE, I think you should include certain information about the company you apply for in the beginning of your letter. Do check the example in IVLE to have a clear idea.
That's all about my comment. Again, you have such a colorful and awesome life, put all of that in your letter to show how excellent you are!!